


all of me pressed onto you

by sxndazed



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26078539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxndazed/pseuds/sxndazed
Summary: What is he so afraid of?He's afraid of hurting him.No.He's afraid of losing him.No.He's afraid of not deservingthis.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78





	all of me pressed onto you

They don't share the same bed at first.

At first, Kaneki is afraid.

He's got everything under control. He knows he does. But he takes one look at Hide, and he wants to hide in shame and cry in relief all at once.

He thinks about kind eyes and ripped skin and flesh that fuels him and hurts him.

He thinks about the scars that linger even after surgery and the moments that haunt him a little more than he admits.

Kaneki is afraid, but he can't stay away.

His eyes follow Hide more than he wants to admit. Across roofs and board rooms, across large stretches of the city that bear witness to the destruction he had a hand in. His eyes are drawn to him.

Hide has always been the one to get his attention.

Hide has always been the one to see him and understand him.

Hide has always been the one.

They spend evenings on a couch, stretched out over three cushions because they have the space. The TV is on in the background, and the noise brings a sense of comfort in the night. Hide falls onto the couch first, his shirt riding up and his hair askew. He reaches out for Kaneki's hand and tugs. His eyes beckon him, and Kaneki falls.

He's always had a hard time denying Hide of what he wants.

Against Hide, his body is rigid. He holds his weight up, a millimeter, maybe two, above Hide with his arm propped up on the side. He's heavy, he thinks. He's heavy, and he doesn't want to burden Hide with his weight.

He doesn't want to burden Hide with a lot of things.

But as always, Hide sees right through him and reaches out to cup his face. He holds Kaneki right in his hands, tender and soft and with so much care that Kaneki thinks he might just break anyway.

They don't say anything, but Kaneki relaxes his body, and his weight falls against Hide, pushing him into the cushions.

They don't say anything, but Hide smiles and his eyes brighten, and Kaneki is helpless in the face of Hide's quiet happiness.

When sleep threatens to take over, he usually gets up from the couch and pulls Hide up. They walk each other down the hall and say goodnight before entering separate rooms. That's the routine. That's how it works.

It works like this.

Kaneki will close his eyes and sleep for a solid three hours before waking up with a clenched jaw and the sheets kicked off.

He'll get up and leave his room. He'll see the slight crack in the door of Hide's room. It's always cracked open, so Kaneki can open it without making much noise.

He'll look at Hide, the light from the moon washing over his body because he forgot to close the blinds and illuminating him in a gentle glow that leaves Kaneki breathless.

When he catches his breath, he'll head back into his room and sleep.

It works like this.

Tonight, Hide presses a kiss to his forehead before they part.

Tonight, he's left in the hallway with the fight leaving his body.

What is he so afraid of?

He's afraid of hurting him.

No.

He's afraid of losing him.

No.

He's afraid of not deserving _this._

His hand reaches for his doorknob, but he pulls back.

He's afraid of not deserving this, but he has it.

He has it, and he would be a fool to let it slip away.

The fight leaves his body. He takes a breath and pushes the door next to his open.

Hide looks up from his phone. His eyes are wide and a little in shock, but he offers up a smile and a space next to him.

He closes the door behind him, a small click reverberating through the room.

Hide places his phone on the bedside table and slides into the sheets. Kaneki walks over to the side of the bed and slides in next to him.

There's about six inches between them. It's not a lot, but Kaneki feels the distance all the same. His hand makes its way into the middle of those six inches, hesitant and quiet.

His breath stops when he feels another hand reach over that distance and close it.

Fingers nudge his hand over to have his palm facing up. Fingers interlock with his own, and he's pulled over closer and closer until six inches becomes six millimeters becomes nothing at all. Even if the Earth lost its gravitational pull on him, he thinks he'd still be grounded by Hide.

He thinks he's always been grounded by Hide.

His head comes to rest on top of his chest, his ear pressed against it and listening to the sound of a heart beating and of lungs taking in air.

It is under this rhythm that he finds peace and love and everything he has been denying himself of until this moment.

It is under this rhythm that he falls asleep.

He stays asleep the whole night.


End file.
